To be completely transparent I am tired as F U C K right now and have been for days and days. For at least the past week I've been in bed by 8 pm and literally straight up asleep by 10 pm. I am so depressed.
Usually I'm a powerhouse and can just push, cry, and caffeinate my way through everything, but I think I've finally hit my wall, a point where I can't. I need new glasses and eye surgery because I always have a migrane and blurred vision. I need a chiropractor because I have constant neck, shoulder, upper and lower back pain. I feel like I'm developing carpal tunnel because if you've ever watched how I type, I type like a moron. I either do not sleep at all or worry myself into a REM cycle. A dentist, a checkup, you name it, I probably need to see that specialist. I'm putting out this laundry list and bitching about things because I'm to depressed and anxious to do anything about any of those things.
Like, I cry over my work and push through it and I can't do anything else but sleep. When was the last time I even saw someone who wasn't family? I thought my life had balance a few posts back but I must have been mistaken. I do, am, think too much. I'm fucking depressed and I'm too exhausted to do anything about it.
I got a new therapist and she's so super great but not in my network and so expensive that right now I can't even see her weekly. I wish she could hug me, is that weird? I need a hug, too. The one place I feel secure is when cuddling my cats because no matter how broken I feel and fucked up I may be, they always want to sit on body while I lay on the couch, or chirp their little happy hellos at me.
I'm tired and sad, sick of repeating myself to the family and friends who have heard it a thousand times so i'll say it here instead.
This was a short, mindless, low-energy downer of a post but eh, things could be worst.
- LW
